I admit it.
It can be HARD work for me to have fun.
I always thought it meant I was driven, passionate and deep; but this holiday I was in for a profound epiphany.
What once was my greatest asset, and what has made me so good as a coach up until now, has perhaps become outdated; my introspection.
While other friends party out at night, go to concerts, play pool, dash in the dating scene, I much rather sit in bed and read inspirational books, meditate in the moonlight and correspond with other on-task women.
But after this 4th of July I got a BIG realization-download.
It is time for an upgrade from the peaceful predictability of my introversion, to living my insights in the real-world richness of society.
On the morning of the 4th, I woke up feeling an urge to go out.
It was like I could already feel the buzz of new people in town.
After writing the July Numerology Forecast, I was well aware of the influencing 3 this month; the joy and freedom of self-expression and socializing.
But I thought, “Hell… I have this down pat. I express myself EVERYDAY. I will just keep doing more of that.”
So, my daughter and I went downtown to enjoy the festivities.
We did the usual rounds to the vendor booths; picking up cute little knick knacks and weaving in and out of the diverse crowds of people.
To quench our need for something cool in our bellies we picked up a big bag of fresh, succulent organic strawberries and found a shaded spot to sit and listen to live music in a cut-off-from-traffic street.
Within minutes, the sparse crowd became thicker.
The sidewalks were dense with on-lookers listening with still bodies.
The band urged people to stand closer, dance and participate.
Finally, the brave (or substance-altered folk) filled up a following right in front of the stage.
Little toddlers with cotton candy rocked to the music.
The local drunk had plastic cup in hand, as he grooved, inadvertently splashing on-lookers OVER and OVER again.
(This was very entertaining to watch the first 5 times!)
Stoned middle-aged couples danced, facing each other, like a love poem for all to see.
Hippie women shuffled with their eyes closed, arms in the air, surrendering to the beat.
Brave stragglers danced by themselves, altered on one drug or another, displaying their own style of moving – with absolutely no care of what anyone thought.
As I watched this I turned to my daughter Cammie.
We were both tapping our feet, looking around awkwardly, admiring those enjoying themselves but scared to be a part of it.
“Wouldn’t it be amazing if we could be as uninhibited and free as them, without all the drugs and alcohol?” I shouted in her ear.
Cammie yelled back with a smile, “Yes.. but how?!”
A beautiful transvestite in sky high velvet-red shoes, got up right in the center of the crowd and began dancing.
I loved it.
I loved all these eccentric, out-in-the-open people.
There was honesty to it.
I suddenly felt sad.
Sad that I cared so much about what other people thought, when what I really wanted to do was dance.
Sad that there was a part of me, deep down inside, that thought I was much too little to shine big.
The jealousy and envy in that moment was palpable.
I wished I was my teenager self, with a couple shots of tequila in me, to soften up my qualms.
I wondered if I had a girlfriend with me (you know, that crazy kind that yells at cabs and ‘woos’ a lot), would I then feel comfortable to truly express myself?
What I preach to my clients is that in this moment where you feel the negative sensation come in, take a look at it right away.
How can you flip it with your mind, to something good-feeling on the opposite spectrum?
How can you use the creative-genius of numbers to leverage the moment?
I remembered the 3 theme of July.
The energy that urges us outward; that displays our being AS IT IS right now, to the world, in a fantastically gorgeous way.
I thought about our monthly exercise, of choosing a woman that you want to emulate, and to play the part in everyday life.
I took Cammie’s hand and said, “Let’s go try!”
At first blush I was nervous, as we found an empty spot to settle in front.
What if how I moved looked ridiculous?
What if I would be judged by the on-lookers?
But.. ahhhh… what if I held myself back from just doing what feels good now… and in my life?
Now THAT is the greatest disappointment of all.
I closed my eyes, listened to the music, and focused on FEELING.
The following two hours were best I have had in years.
We twirled, boogied and gyrated.
We giggled, screamed and jumped with our hands up high.
Pure life force was throwing through us.
We were liberated from being sole observers, to finally being performers.
We got spilled on by the crazy drunk guy and nearly fell to the asphalt laughing.
We were in the play, rather than the audience.
We were a part of the work of art, rather than the spectators tragically trying to analyze it.
That night I truly felt I declared independence from hiding and expressed the woman I truly want to become.
How are YOU living the 3 challenge so far this month?
What are YOU doing to express the dream woman inside of you?
To Letting Your True Self Hang Out For All To See,